Example of Peer Editing
The assignment early in an English 102 course asked students to write a short paper describing the steps in a process. Drafts--of which the following is an example--were written over a weekend. On the following Monday, the class was divided into groups of four. Within the groups, the writers each read their drafts aloud. The listeners were then encouraged to single out elements they liked and to ask questions. After this group activity, the students were furnished with a copy of an edit guide (see above) and asked to do a written edit at home of their group members' drafts.
The following example of an edit was written--with slight modification--by Christopher Atkins. In reading it, note particularly the extensiveness of the commentary, the positive tone, and the closeness of Christopher's reading. This peer editor has interacted with the text intimately. He addresses both high-order concerns--the need for more detail, for tighter structure, for "intellectual resonance"--and specific sentence-level items such as grammar and word choice. He asks questions and suggests ways in which the writer can further develop the paper in a subsequent draft.
It is clear that the editor has thought intently about the choices he would have made had he written the paper (thus the suggestions for specific word choices). By doing so, he has realized one of the chief benefits of peer editing--the developing of one's critical faculties and writer's instincts through the conscious use of the criteria for superior writing.
Here is the text of the essay. Click here for a collection of the annotated comments which Christopher hand-wrote in the margins of the paper. After the paper is the final comment that he typed on a separate sheet. Try to imagine the final product as looking like a luxurious garden, with the tendrils of Christopher's response reaching through and around Paul's text.
The Fine Art of Finding and Carving Pumpkins
Only those who can select the choicest pumpkins; only those who are sure of hand with a razor sharp carving knife; only those who can etch a snarling, raging, "from the depths of hell" expression can participate in this ever so challenging task. There are many ways one "can" carve a pumpkin, but the way I am about to show you is the right way, the way which will result in the perfect jack-o-lantern every time. Since Halloween is almost upon us, take note of the following instructions.
Let us begin by obtaining "the perfect pumpkin." This must be a solo expedition due to the fact that the passenger side must be free to provide the pumpkin with the necessary accommodations. Go to your nearest pumpkin dealer, whether this be the grocery store or a roadside road stand such as "Billy Bob's Back-Country Jamboree." When you arrive, there are two musts in finding the pumpkin. You must find the pumpkin which has the most personality. Find one that "jumps out" at you, one that begs you to take it home. The next criterion is to thump the pumpkin. What you are listening for is a solid thump, an echoing boom. No boom, no sale. When you have found such a beauty, check for scratches or lumps which take away from the pumpkin's natural decor. Don't forget to pay.
So you're on your way home with this magnificent work of art "riding shotgun." It is just a pumpkin with tremendous raw talent waiting to be molded into the jack-o-lantern every pumpkin wishes to be. As you drive, keep one hand on the wheel, and one on your baby so as to prevent any unnecessary rolling or nicking. As you pull into your driveway, come to a complete stop, still securing the pumpkin. Do not reach through the car to pull the pumpkin out, but go around to the other side and pick it up with a steady hand. Walk slowly and carefully to the front door and let yourself in with the utmost care. Dropping the pumpkin now would be unforgiveable. Walk to the kitchen and softly set the pumpkin down. Lay two layers of newspaper down on the table. Two layers provides padding to absorb eventual leaking by the pumpkin's innerds. You are ready to begin carving.
Pick a knife which is easy to maneuver, and one which will glide through the meat without hesitation. Also have a handy cooking spoon. First trace a perfect circle around the top of the pumpkin. Slide the knife in and cut around the line. When you complete the circle, hold the top in your hand, and trim the jagged edges. Set the knife and pumpkin lid aside. Use the spoon to remove all of the seeds and excess guts. When every bit of the inside mush is removed, you are ready to carve the face. Forget the smiles, the frowns, the surprise faces, and all of the other less than scary looks. What you want is the evil look of death. Start with the eyes. The eyes should show cold darkness, the kind of stare that makes one shiver. Carve squinty little eyeballs which come to gutwrenching points. Next carve the nose. No big clown noses are acceptable, just a hard, tight circle nose. The mouth is so important and must show huge, sharp, gnashing teeth. As you cut each of these parts, just let the excess pumpkin fall to its bottom. As the cruel face is completed, carefully remove these parts and place them with the rest of the "insides."
Finally, get a candle and let some of its burning wax drip to the pumpkin's bottom. Now place the burning candle into the wax where it will remain fast. Throw away the paper and the unused pumpkin, and set the pumpkin on your doorstep to frighten all the little kids.
Christopher's Typed Final Comment
I really liked your paper. I wasn't planning on carving a pumpkin this year--but now I think I might. Your title is perfect for your thesis and your thesis is clearly stated. The "hook" you use in the beginning works well and made me want to read the rest of your paper.
I have one main comment regarding your organization and one regarding the content (actually they're both related). First, you're covering a lot of ground in this paper and I wonder if you're spreading yourself too thin. It moves pretty fast and is entertaining but sometimes I feel like I'm not getting the detailed information I need to carry out the process if I haven't done it before. One possibility would be to reorganize so you're concentrating more on just the actual carving. About the content: I'm thinking about what Jeff said about "intellectual resonance." Maybe you could add something about the origins of pumpkin-carving, or the symbolic significance of pumpkins, or something like that--just to create a larger context. I don't know where you'd look--maybe a history of folklore--but you could ask the reference librarian. I guess I'd like more to chew on (!).
If I were to have any other suggestions, they would be to think over some of the word choices such as "cruel," "just," and "decor" and to include the left-out steps of pulling the top of the pumpkin off and where to throw the insides. Is it best to throw them in a trash can (where they will smell) or out down in the woods? Also, I would mention what could possibly be done with the seeds (like baking them). Be thorough! The conclusion is really good but I think again that Jeff is going to comment about "one new idea" for the reader.
So--tighten this baby up and you'll be set. Good job!